Most of us carry a well hidden secret we only share with a selected few. If we share it at all. What we keep inside may differ in magnitude. Some have secrets that other look upon as daily gossip others cast darker shadows. Why we feel a need to leave some things about ourself un-revealed may depend. But sometimes it is better to open Pandora’s box and let the awful truth out. It can give us relief and freedom. Like a heavy burden has been lifted off our shoulders. To show ourself completely may strengthen the bonds to friends and loved ones. So why are we so afraid?
Are we afraid we will not do in others eyes? Why is that so important? Should we not surround ourself with people who like us as we are? Or is the case that we do not accept and like ourself with the flaw our secret may be? Does it make us feel so uncomfortable we do not want to look at it even ourself?
This is a mind game I have been playing for some time. You see I carry a well hidden secret – the awful truth about myself. I keep telling myself it is not that bad and really nothing to be ashamed of. But still I cannot open up and tell, not even to all of my relatives and friends. Of course it can be wise to keep some secrets and all truths does not have to be shouted out. But my secret is not-self inflicted and does not harm anyone else but me. If someone told me my secret I would not react with anything else but respect and think the person was brave being open about it. So why is it so hard for me to just let my secret go? Some probably already have figured it out anyway. I guess it would be easy to just write it here, publish it and see what happens.
No, this it not the place or at least not the time to tell you my awful truth… I guess it is true that everyone wants to hear the truth but no one wants to be honest.
To give you a happy ending I can tell you that I have inspected my awful truth from every angle and come to the conclusion that I can live with it. And pretty much handle it with the support of the good people around me.
….including yourself
My Green Nook 
This blog post has me soooo confused.. it reads almost like poetry, so I thought initially you were just quoting something… is everything okay dear??? – http://www.domesticgeekgirl.com
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Thank you for your concern dear Gingi. It is a bit like a roller coaster right now. But I keep moving forward. The days just fly by and our little girl take up most of my time. The post was just the truth – but it is no news… And I work on healing and accepting myself the way I am. Far from perfect but quite ok 🙂
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I’m sure this wasn’t easy to write. I can hear the turmoil as you grapple with your secret, the potential effects releasing that secret could yield, as well as what it may/not say about you – to yourself and others.
Harboring secrets is hard. Telling them is hard. I find, in my life, that eventually being in the time/space to begin releasing it is key for my healing through that secret. There are some secrets only a very few select people know anything about and it may well stay that way forever, because the work was about me not the other parts of the secret.
My hope and wish is that you’ll find healing when/where you’re ready. And I trust that there are some who won’t think of or feel differently about you. There are some who will believe you to be ever more brave because you started your healing process :mama hugs: 🙂
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As always your comment gives me comfort and strength to keep the healing process going. In you I see a true friend. I guess you had your rough times too. Or maybe you just are a compasionate and caring person. Which is of less importance. But I feel you get me and understand the path I have chosen. Thank you – it means so much 🙂
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A little bit of both, Charlotte. I’m glad to have met you in these online spaces! 🙂
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Me too 🙂
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HI Charlotte,
Good article. I believe many times we are afraid because we fear others judgement, don’t think they people will understand, and fear of how others will react – will they look at me different – think bad of me? The awful truth is sometimes so awful because we do hide it and don’t tell anyone – some how saying it out loud seems too much to be bare. But then sometimes if we share our hidden skeletons they no longer are as bad as we think and we find out that other people sometimes share the same secrets. So glad you have come to terms with your secrets and that you have friends that give you support. Have a healthy happy blessed weekend and be proud that you had to courage to your secrets and find peace.
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Thank you for sharing your wise comment. The truth may be very hurtful and should be handled with care. I think you describe the process it well. Thank you for believing in me. Have a green, happy weekend!
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