A proper goodbye

Once again I just left and didn’t say a proper goodbye. Sneeking away like a coward or leaving as if it did’t mean anything. All likes, comments, conversations and blog fellows left behind. Too late I realized I didn’t give you the final post – the goodbye you so well deserved.

One year… One year since I wrote. One year since I read your blogs. One year is a long time… Our girl is walking now and eating the same food as us. She is amazing and I love her beyond words. My year can be summerized in three words family, recovery and adjustments. Which words would you choose?

This post is written as a goodbye. Finally I have made up my mind. I feel like I am finished with My Green Nook. My life has taken a new path and things have changed. Maybe I return writing another blog some day. I will try to visit you once in a while. The funny thing is I have missed blogging and everything about it. At a time it was an addiction and I had so much fun. I learned alot by reading your blogs and writing my posts. And you deserve a proper goodbye. Thank you yadadarcyyada for showing me how it is done.

Goodbye my friends – make sure you take time to listen, feel, breath and see. Stay open minded and let your heart sing. Life has so much to offer.

 

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What’s up?!

I am still alive so no need for worries. I guess my last post may have made you wonder. Motherhood has kept me busy lately. I suppose you never can realize how much a baby changes your life. Blogging is one of the things that have to step aside. Enough said about that. What’s up in my nook nowadays? I’ll give you a brief update.

Slow summer days

Daddy and baby girl. What's up?! | My Green Nook

Daddy and Baby Girl looking at cows on pasture

We try to enjoy the summer here in Sweden and make the most of our days. We have decided to take the days as they come not planning too much. This in a mindful way so we can manage everyday life. We make small trips around in the area where we live. Sometimes having coffee by a lake or field. Other times having ice cream in the shadow of a tree in the park. We take it easy and try to save energy.

Baby girl is growing fast – soon turning four months old(!) We have begun a course in baby swimming. It is a great way to connect and communicate with your baby. And it is lots of fun for the whole family. It is a pleasure to see how she loves the water and the trust she has in us. Her big blue eyes looking curiously at all the other babies and parents. Smiling and ‘talking’ with her sweet little voice. It warms my heart and I feel like the luckiest person. Proud of being her mother and the bond we have between us. Have you tried baby swimming or some other activity with your baby?

For some mystical reason I have gained weight and have to upgrade my wardrobe a size (or two). When going through my drawers and hangers I gathered a lot of old t-shirts. People tend to give me their used once. These are great to wear at work or home. But I have too many and need to make room for baby girls clothes (which ended up on the kitchen table). I am planning a play and relax corner for baby girl in our living room. A canopy tent made of used curtains would be a neat reading nook. I thought I could use my old t-shirts to make soft pillows, a blanket or a cushion to sit on. This dream is just in its cradle there is no time making this project right now. Meanwhile I browse on Pinterest and blogs looking for inspiration and ideas. Do you got any up-cycling tips for used t-shirts?

Time is precious I need to wrap this short post up and I will do it with a picture. Not the highest quality in any way but at least a tiny glimpse. I think baby girl is about two months in the picture. Since then her back and neck have become more stable. Today it is okay to let her head be above the upper part. So she is able to look around if she wants. Mostly she sleeps onto my chest.

What's up?! | My Green Nook

Me with Baby Girl in a carrier.

The Awful Truth

Most of us carry a well hidden secret we only share with a selected few. If we share it at all. What we keep inside may differ in magnitude. Some have secrets that other look upon as daily gossip others cast darker shadows. Why we feel a need to leave some things about ourself un-revealed may depend. But sometimes it is better to open Pandora’s box and let the awful truth out. It can give us relief and freedom. Like a heavy burden has been lifted off our shoulders. To show ourself completely may strengthen the bonds to friends and loved ones. So why are we so afraid?

Locked door. The Awful Truth | My Green Nook

Are we afraid we will not do in others eyes? Why is that so important? Should we not surround ourself with people who like us as we are? Or is the case that we do not accept and like ourself with the flaw our secret may be? Does it make us feel so uncomfortable we do not want to look at it even ourself?

This is a mind game I have been playing for some time. You see I carry a well hidden secret – the awful truth about myself. I keep telling myself it is not that bad and really nothing to be ashamed of. But still I cannot open up and tell, not even to all of my relatives and friends. Of course it can be wise to keep some secrets and all truths does not have to be shouted out. But my secret is not-self inflicted and does not harm anyone else but me. If someone told me my secret I would not react with anything else but respect and think the person was brave being open about it. So why is it so hard for me to just let my secret go? Some probably already have figured it out anyway. I guess it would be easy to just write it here, publish it and see what happens.

No, this it not the place or at least not the time to tell you my awful truth… I guess it is true that everyone wants to hear the truth but no one wants to be honest.

To give you a happy ending I can tell you that I have inspected my awful truth from every angle and come to the conclusion that I can live with it. And pretty much handle it with the support of the good people around me.

Quote. The Awful Truth | My Green Nook

….including yourself

Summer Rain and Dreams

Lake view. Summer Rain and Dreams | My Green Nook

We are fortunate to be able to stay at a relative’s house while they are on vacation. This way we get away from our apartment and get some fresh air. In return we watch the house and garden for them. For two days heavy rain has kept us indoors time which we spent together as a family. Our activities have mainly been playing and snuggling with baby girl. Finally yesterday evening it stopped raining. I opened the door to the patio. The moist air and the scent of wet soil were refreshing. The skies were still grey and the last clouds lingered. But in all it was a moment of hope and I felt content.

We wish for sunny days ahead so we can enjoy the garden and patio. Letting baby girl feel the tickling of soft grass on her tiny feet for the first time. There are some chores to take on too, like dead-heading and mowing the lawn.

Garden with gazebo. Summer Rain and Dreams | My Green Nook

It is our dream to one day live in our own house with a garden for me to grow and for our girl to play in. My hun wants a garden shed or garage for his hobbies. We use to fantasize how our little family socialize in a large hammock in the shade. Drinking homemade lemonade and eating cinnamon buns.

Today is a good day…

How has your summer been so far?

Where would you go?

Have you ever felt that you just want to leave? To take a break to get your things together? To just be alone in peace and quiet? Or if you are more of an active person maybe rumble and jump around like it was your last day.

I guess we all feel that way sometimes. When we are winded up and have lost control or at least feel like we have. This does not mean we actually want to take a hike forever rather just get a moment to breathe and feel. To get time to ask ourself the important questions – how do I feel and what do I need? To lower our shoulders and ease the burden of everyday life. Living is not always easy and we may feel ashamed to admit it. The pressure on us to be smiling and perfect can go to our heads. The good advice of positive thinking can really cause frustration. Are we not allowed to spit and breathe fire just for one day. Not even if we do it in a closet where no one sees or hears us?

Let us pretend that we get the opportunity to just hop aboard the next train or boat to anywhere. Where would you go? Where is the place you find peace? Where can you be just you? Where can you be alone with your thoughts and recharge?

Dream for a while and create your perfect place to escape to. The place where you find comfort and calm. What would it look like – your own dreamscape?

Dreamscape. Where would you go? | My Green Nook

During my various hours of meditation and relaxation I have created my own mental escape resort. This comes to hand almost daily. When I need a break and get myself together I close my eyes, take a couple of deep breathes and go there. This is my place of comfort and calm where I can recharge enough to cope a bit more. But sometimes my own mind is not giving the relief I need. This made me

think of the place I would go to (where I actually would place my body). I asked myself the question – where would you go? The terrifying answer was – I do not know. Or is it a good answer? Maybe I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Of course I am but some days I just feel that I cannot cope anymore. I cannot cope with me or being me. There is nothing wrong with the people around me or the place I am in. It is me. And where do you go when you can not stand your own company?


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Thursday Favorite Things Blog Hop

Poo Days

Life with a newborn can be quite interesting. Since BabyGirl arrived we have poo days. These days are not necessary bad days just days when she is supposed to poo. Which usually occurs every twice or third day. We keep track in a calendar familiarly known as the poo-calendar where we write down every victorious poo. Never have poo been such a hot topic. We talk about poo even at the dinner table. But I guess it gets that way when you spend a whole lot of time working on the poo.

We massage Baby Girl’s little belly and exercise her legs to stimulate the bowel and relief gas. Every fart is a celebration and a step closer to the goal. Beside this we give her two teaspoons with canola oil every day. The hardest part with her stubborn stomach is to see the pain she goes through. She cries and gets grumpy – nothing seems to do. The sweetest thing is that between the spasms she smiles and cuddles. Yes, she is a shining happy little girl until her stomach starts again. We get relief for a couple of hours or at best a day and these are spent as family time. Every time we visit Baby Girls physician or nurse they ask about her poo and how the stomach is. So we even get to share our poo day stories with others. Sadly we forget and share this with friends and relatives too. Just ask us how things are and you get the story. If you are lucky that day is a poo day.

Baby massage. Poo Days | My Green Nook

Want to learn more about baby massage? Check out these links for example:

Today´s Parent – Infant gas: How to bring relief through massage

Parent – How to massage a baby

New Challenges

A new love and new challenges have clearly found their way into my life. I have been aching to write and blog again. Today it seems a bit closer to reality than for a couple of weeks ago. I have a need to let my creativity flow and words to find their way out –  to fill a blank page with black signs. I am sitting here with my baby girl in a carrier on my tummy. It is summer outside and a soft breeze from an open window cools us down. What have you been up to lately?

Open Window. New Challenges | My Green Nook

The other day I found out that one of my fellow bloggers is quitting and it made me sad. I hope we stay in touch though since we had much in common.  I also had time to read through all comments on my posts and was happy to see your kindness. I would love to have you writing guest posts for me to share. I really think it would be fun and interesting. So I will set off time to go through all your offers and suggestions, which I look forward to, and then I get back to you as soon as possible.

With motherhood new challenges arises.

  • Sleep. Although I understood that sleep was going to be affected and that it was precious I did not realize the width of it. During the first weeks I was exhausted and my mind played games. It was frightening and I almost lost it. Depression was close to a fact but with the help of relatives and friends I managed. Now, thankfully, I am back on track.
  • Time. With a newborn everything takes time. Planning and patients is crucial. I found it hard before and today it is even worse. A typical scenario: You are ready to leave and are about to step out the door when your baby poo and you have to change diaper, again. This way I have been late to several appointments. But I guess I will figure it out soon. Or maybe that just is the way it is to live with kids.
  • Things does not always work out the way you planned. Before our BabyGirl was born I had decided to breastfeed. I was so sure of it and had no second thoughts. But I was faced with one of the largest challenges. It just did not work how much we even tried. It tore me apart and affected my sleep to a point I could not be the mother I wanted to be. After a month of struggle I gave up. It was a difficult choice do not think anything else. I also discovered the shame of not breastfeeding your baby. Mothers do not talk about it and you feel very lonely. I opened up about it an found that it is more common than one could guess.
  • Puts your relationship on a test. When you think of a family you see two smiling parents and a sweet baby. This is true from time to time. But becoming parents really challenge our relationship. All the above effects it. Not sleeping well makes us grumpy and easily provoked. Lack of time to discuss and spend on each other makes it even more complicated. Unforseen happenings puts even more pressure on both of us. I am thankful we have ten years and a lot of experiences in our back pack. Trust, hope and love keep us going. We know things will be better. We have just settled and work on the daily routines. Trying to bear the burden together and share the joy.
Pure Love. New Challenges | My Green Nook

I´ll be by your side… Photo: Charlotte, My Green Nook

It might sound that I regret having a baby but no way. I love her and just one glimpse at her makes my heart sing. I am happy, my spouses is happy and our baby thrives. The above are just things I think we should talk about and acknowledge. Having a baby is not only a fluffy and easy dream in pink or blue. It is also hard work and puts us up to various challenges.

What challenges do you face in parenthood?